Deciding whether you should date someone who has already dated in your past can be pretty tricky. On the one hand, you may think – ‘I know them through and through. So, why should I not give it another try, and date someone I have already dated,’ and on the other hand, you may reason, ‘There must be some reason we broke up, right?’
Even though there is no one right solution to this internal debate of getting back with your ex, there are some questions that you should ask before you go back to them. It is essential to test them out before you even think of getting back together.
Let us address these questions one by one.
What caused our breakup?
At times, some breakups result from circumstances. Janet, an online reviewer who has written reviews, such as best edge up clippers review, shares, ‘My boyfriend and I broke up because he was in the military, and I was still in college. This long-distance caused troubles, and at times, the distance did feel too overwhelming. But in only a few months, we realized that we are better together, regardless of the distance. So, we decided to give it a second chance, and now, it has been six years, and we are happily married.’
Well, too, glad it worked for Janet and her boyfriend. A primary reason it worked for them was that their breakup was more circumstantial. However, if the two of you broke up because of lying, cheating, addiction to a substance, your second chance may be a nightmare.
Hence, before you get back together, you need to think and re-think all the reasons you guys broke up. Do these reasons still exist? If yes, how do you feel about them now? Will you be able to overlook them? Can ignoring them cause more problems in the future?
Before you decide on going back together, you need to be honest with yourself. If the cause of the breakup was cheating, is there a point in romanticizing it and convincing yourself what you found was not the proof of cheating, and they only cheated because you did not give them enough time?
See, understand this once and for all; if a part reason for the breakup is you, do not go around telling yourself you can avoid it unless you are 100% certain of it. Do ensure you do this before you go back to your ex. If you carefully evaluate what happened and change your mind, it is best to let it be.
Have you two hooked up with someone else after the breakup?
Though neither of you owes each other these juicy details, it is only necessary to discuss these things. So, be upfront, and ask them if they had been in any relationship, physical or otherwise, while the two of you were broken up. This may give you an insight into what went wrong in your past and may even tell you how your ex deals with complex emotions.
Did you give yourself enough space from your ex?
Not putting adequate distance between you and your partner can curtail you from moving on ultimately.
‘I and my ex are in the same class, and we have many common friends. Consequently, even when we are broken up, we could not space from one another. This is when we both mutually decided to take a call after the college got over. It would help us be more objective and decide whether or not we want to rekindle the romance or stay friends,’ comments Stacey, an associate who works as a freelance reviewer for MyPlumbersChoice, and has written reviews such as the best pressure assist toilets.
Let us explain what Stacey just said here and tell you why her line of thought is pretty mature. See, when you are together all the time or see each other a lot even after the breakup, they might be on your mind a lot. Thus, before deciding whether you should date them or not, you need to spend some time individually instead of in a group setting to see if you still miss them enough.
What did you learn from the breakup?
For almost every one of us, breakups are very painful, and it can be complicated to see the point wherein the emotions are still high. However, given time, these moments can be valuable life lessons and result in maturity and mutual understanding. Communicating with your ex and understanding how he interrupted the breakup and its causes is an excellent way to comprehend the relationship’s needs and values.
Am I only feeling lonely?
‘Unfortunately, the biggest reason many people decide to go back to their ex because of their constant feeling of loneliness and sadness,’ comments Daisy, a reviewer who did the best fertilizers for palm trees review.
That’s correct, but couples need to understand that loneliness is only temporary, but what’s permanent is a perpetually bad relationship.
What do I still like about them?
‘When you and your ex space out, you will probably get a fresh perspective on things. This will help you see through their better qualities. So, you can make a list of all the things you love about them and then consider whether their past behaviour is consistent with those qualities.
Suppose you find even a slight disconnect between what you love about them and their behaviour towards you. In that case, you need further contemplation before you decide to get back with them,’ suggests Amy, an educator who offers cdr report writing services.
Have you forgiven them completely?
Regardless of the reason for your break up, there may be hurt on both sides. This might have resulted in trust issues, built-up resentment, insecurities, and, at times, all of these. Though you both should talk through these issues before reconnecting, you must also not bring up the past issues in the new disagreements, which may come in your second innings together.
The problem is when you bring up the past arguments in new fights; you repeat the same chain that got you two drifted. This can be a sign that you are still not over what went wrong in the past. Please understand forgiveness is a long process. If you have not reached there yet, you need to hold on until you are finally ready to forgive them.
So, ask yourself, have you forgiven them, or rather, can you forgive them completely?
Image source: getting together with ex via Roman Seliutin/shutterstock